A new weight loss, muscle building, and health enhancing super drug entered the market recently and it is supposed to be the next big thing since the invention of the wheel.
In clinical trials, test subjects saw dramatic improvements in their physiques and overall health (up to 376% improvement in some cases), even on small doses.
While this drug has been around for a while, it was seldom used in the past…and for the most part, it was largely misunderstood. But with today’s reformulated, more powerful concoction, experts are heralding it as one of the most amazing scientific breakthroughs of this generation.
So what’s the name of this miracle drug? It’s called Getoffyourass. For more information, see the drug description below.
Getoffyourass (git’ off yer arse). Brand Names: GOYA.
Last Revision: September 26, 2011.
Why is this medication prescribed?
Getoffyourass (prescription and nonprescription) is used along with diet and exercise to reduce the risk of reaching epic levels of flabbyness and to decrease the risk that major surgery will be needed in people who get too fat, and/or unhealthy.
Prescription getoffyourass is used in skinny as well as overweight people who may have trouble seeing the importance of regular exercise.
Many of these subjects are at high risk for flabby abs, muffin top belly, thunder thighs, man boobs, jelly rolls, black flab, neck flab, double chin, fat fingers, depression, and fatigue.
These subjects may also be at high risk for, or often currently have high blood pressure, heart disease, cardiovascular disease, osteoporosis, osteoarthritis, depression, diabetes, high cholesterol, or a combination of several.
Getoffyourass is also used after weight-loss to help people keep from gaining back that weight.
Getoffyourass is often used to speed weight loss in overweight people with high bodyfat levels who are not exercising and sitting around chilling every day.
Getoffyourass may also be used to promote fat loss, muscle building and/or physique enhancement for “skinny fat” people who never workout, but who may appear to be slim yet have bodyfat levels comparable to an obese person.
Getoffyourass is also used to increase the amount of lean muscle tissue and decrease the amount of fatty tissue around the muscles and internal organs in all subjects. It has also been shown to decrease the amount of cholesterol (a fat-like substance) and other fatty substances in the blood.
Getoffyourass is in a class of medications called LAZY-ArsE reductase inhibitors (de-lazy-fiers). It works by slowing the production of lazy thoughts in the body, signals the brain to raise your ass off the couch, motivates you on your drive to the gym, and helps prevent fat from settling in your hips, ass, thighs, belly, back, face, neck, and chin.
How should this medicine be used?
Getoffyourass comes as tablets and extended-release capsules, but it may also come in the form of self-discipline. It is usually taken at least once per day as a single daily dose in the morning or up to two times per day. However, once you build up a tolerance one can take getoffyourass multiple (2+) times per day.
You can take getoffyourass at any time throughout the day. Follow the directions on your prescription label carefully, and ask your doctor or pharmacist to explain any part you do not understand. Take getoffyourass exactly as directed. Do not take more or less of it or take it more often than prescribed by your doctor.
Most people will have to take getoffyourass for their entire lives; the length of treatment depends on how you respond to the medication. Most people respond well. Very well.
Getoffyourass can be habit-forming. Do not take a larger dose, take it more often, or take it for a longer period than your doctor tells you to. Overtraining is a bitch.
If you are taking the extended-release (long-acting) tablets, do not split, chew, or crush the tablet. There are some tablets that can be crushed and mixed with food. Preferably healthy food.
Your doctor may start you on a low dose of getoffyourass and gradually increase your dose. Continue to take getoffyourass even if you feel well. Do not stop gettingoffyourass without talking to your doctor.
Ask your pharmacist or doctor for a copy of the manufacturer’s information for the patient if getoffyourass is prescribed for you. For additional information about the nonprescription product, visit www.getoffyourass.com
Other uses for this medicine
This medication may be prescribed for other uses; ask your doctor or pharmacist for more information.
What special precautions should I follow?
Before taking getoffyourass,
• tell your doctor and pharmacist if you are allergic to gettingoffyourass or any other medications.
• tell your doctor and pharmacist what prescription and nonprescription medications, vitamins, nutritional supplements, and herbal products you are taking or plan to take. Be sure to mention any of the following: fluoxetine (Prozac), fluvoxamine (Luvox), guanethidine, insulin medications for weight loss and depression, paroxetine (Paxil), and sertraline (Zoloft). Antifungal medications such as itraconazole (Sporanox) and ketoconazole (Nizoral); cimetidine (Tagamet); clarithromycin (Biaxin); digoxin (Lanoxin); diltiazem (Cardizem, Cartia, Taztia, Tiazac); erythromycin (E.E.S., E-Mycin, Erythrocin); efavirenz (Sustiva, in Atripla); oral contraceptives (birth control pills); other cholesterol-lowering medications such as fenofibrate (Tricor), gemfibrozil (Lopid), and niacin (nicotinic acid, Niacor, Niaspan); certain medications used in combination for HIV such as ritonavir and lopinavir (Kaletra) and ritonavir (Norvir) taken with saquinavir (Invirase); medications that suppress the immune system such as cyclosporine (Neoral, Sandimmune); rifampin (Rifadin, Rimactane); and spironolactone (Aldactone). Also tell your doctor if you are taking monoamine oxidase (MAO) inhibitors such as isocarboxazid (Marplan), phenelzine (Nardil), selegiline (Eldepryl, Emsam, Zelapar) and tranylcypromine (Parnate), or if you have stopped taking one of these medications in the past 2 weeks. Your doctor may need to change the doses of your medications or monitor you carefully for side effects. Just kidding. I totally made you read all of that boring pharmacy mumbo jumbo for no reason at all. I apologize. You can take getoffyourass regardless of what medications you may be taking and none of the medications listed above should actually matter.
• tell your doctor if you have or have ever had chronic fatigue syndrome or thyroid disease. Your doctor will probably tell you not to take high doses of getoffyourass.
• tell your doctor if you are pregnant or plan to become pregnant. If you become pregnant while taking getoffyourass, do not stop taking getoffyourass and avoid eating tons of ice cream and fast food at 2am because it will weaken the effects of getoffyourass. Getoffyourass will not harm the fetus. Ice cream and late night fast food will hurt your physical appearance though.
• you may breast-feed while you are taking this medication.
• if you are having surgery, including plastic surgery, tell the doctor that you are taking getoffyourass. He will probably tell you that you can look amazing just by taking getoffyourass and avoiding surgery.
• ask your doctor about the safe use of alcoholic beverages while you are taking getoffyourass. Alcohol can increase the risk of serious side effects and has been shown to render the effects of getoffyourass useless.
What special dietary instructions should I follow?
In order for getoffyourass to be effective, it is strongly recommended that patients eat a plant based diet that may also include lean organic non-processed meats. The use of healthy fats such as olive oil and flax are encouraged. It is strongly recommended that patients maintain an 80/20 alkaline/acid ratio, eat plenty of fiber, never fry foods or use heated oils to cook food, and eat in moderation.
The use of soy is strongly discouraged. The consumption of chemically laden foods is also strongly discouraged. Foods such as butter, shortening, chips, cakes, cookies, gravy, refined oils, fried foods, white flour, and artificial sweeteners, are not recommended.
Avoid drinking alcohol while taking getoffyourass.
What should I do if I forget a dose?
Take the missed dose as soon as you remember it. However, if it is less than 12 hours until your next scheduled dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Do not take a double dose to make up for a missed one. You’ll never get that opportunity to getoffyourass back.
What side effects can this medication cause?
Getoffyourass may cause side effects. Tell your doctor if any of these symptoms are severe or do not go away:
• more energy
• stronger muscles
• less flab
• healthier skin
• flatter abs
• more confidence
• more sex
• promotions at work
Some side effects can be serious. The following symptoms are uncommon, but if you experience any of them, call your doctor immediately:
• severe muscle pain, tenderness, or weakness
• larger cankles
• muffintop belly growth
• bloated jelly belly
• larger thunder thighs
• man boobage growth
• vaginal dryness in men
• cellulite deposits
• uncontrollable weeping
• loss of appetite
• booty rash from prolonged chilling in bed or sofa
• smushed ass from prolonged sitting
• flu-like symptoms
• swelling of the face, throat, tongue, lips, eyes, hands, feet, ankles, or lower legs (typical inflammatory response from pounding foods rich in inorganic sodium)
• acute or chronic hoarseness (typically from yelling at wife to make more chips n’ dip)
Getoffyourass may cause other side effects. Call your doctor if you have any unusual problems during your treatment with getoffyourass.
Some people who took getoffyourass got laid more. There is not enough information to tell whether the extra hooking up was caused by getoffyourass. Talk to your doctor about the risks of taking getoffyourass.
If you experience a serious side effect, you or your doctor may send a report to the Food and Drug Administration’s (FDA) MedWatch Adverse Event Reporting program online [at http://www.fda.gov/Safety/MedWatch] or by phone [1-800-332-1088]. Just kidding. You or your doctor will never need to send those guys anything. This drug is awesome.
What storage conditions are needed for this medicine?
Keep this medication in the container it came in, tightly closed, and out of reach of children. Store it at room temperature and away from excess heat and moisture (not in the bathroom or on the couch). Throw away any medication that is outdated or no longer needed. Talk to your pharmacist about the proper disposal of your medication.
In case of emergency/overdose
In case of overdose, call your local poison control center at 1-800-222-1222. If the victim has collapsed or is not breathing, call local emergency services at 911. This usually occurs when getoffyourass is combined with high doses of heavy squats or deadlifts. Overdoses are rare, and typically not serious.
What other information should I know?
Keep all appointments with your doctor and the laboratory. Your doctor will order certain lab tests before and during treatment to check your body’s response to getoffyourass.
Before having any laboratory test, tell your doctor and the laboratory personnel that you are taking getoffyourass.
Do not let anyone else take your medication. They will have to get off their own asses. Ask your pharmacist any questions you have about refilling your prescription. Getting off your ass is recommended daily.
It is important for you to keep a written list of all of the prescription and nonprescription (over-the-counter) medicines you are taking, as well as any products such as vitamins, minerals, or other dietary supplements. You should bring this list with you each time you visit a doctor or if you are admitted to a hospital. It is also important information to carry with you in case of emergencies.
Ask your doctor if getting off your ass is right for you.
ASNNP® Consumer Medication Information. © Copyright, 2011. This post is just a joke to help motivate people to get up off their asses and get moving. Anyone can get into great shape. The biggest factor is you. Look both ways when you cross the street. Don’t piss against the wind. There is no such thing as a magic pill. I bet this disclaimer would make a good rap song. The American Society of No Hype-Non Drug Pushing Pharmacists, 1 RealWayToGetInShape, Los Angeles, CA. All Rights Reserved. Feel free to link to and share this blog post.
The following brand names are from NotNormRx, a standardized nomenclature for clinical drugs produced by the PerfectBodyRx Library of Medicine: